After you're done reading, you could scroll down below and do my poll (and rate my blog)...Just saying. :)

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Seven Places I'd Rather Be Right Now

Right now, I am positioned in a steaming sauna in which my arms are slowly melting, melding into my legs, sweat pooling on the back of my neck.
No, really.
My fingers are placing little sweat marks on my keyboard. Icky, little sweat marks.
Can you say "EW!"
It is hot. Sure, 85 degrees may not seem overbearingly hot, but when you're stuck in the room above the basement, it's a whole other story.
It is more than just hot.
And so I have no idea why I'm sitting here, at my computer (that is making a disturbing whoosh sound), when I could be at so many other places. Yeah right.

First: the pool. I need that cool blue water on me right now, soaking me to the point in which heat has no meaning. But that's not going to happen, I assure you.

Second: Antarctica. Unrealistic, and utterly stupid, I realize. But can you blame me? When I'm being overheated to the point of--cue the gasp--laziness?!

Third: The Krusty Krab Freezer. Alright, I know this one is dumb too, but after seeing that episode...with all the ice... and burgers... Call me insane, but that sounds like freakin' paradise to me right now.

Fourth: Canada. I mean, does it get annoyingly, burning hot up there? Probably, considering I know nothing about Canada. But still! I want the cold! And I heard there are some pretty charming people up there...well, I've heard that from the Bieber lovers (ick!) ... but I'm sure there are cool people up there! God, the puns could just go on and on.

Fifth: Mount Everest. Primarily, the top of it. I'd get to have the fame of climbing the mountain and be cooled down. Instantly. Now getting up there, that's another issue...

Sixth: the Moon. I heard it's pretty chill up there. Plus, it would be awesome to wear an astronaut suit. I could collect moon rocks too!

Seventh: The North Pole. I could say hello to Santa Claus. 'Nuff said.

I wish I could curl up with a cup of Rita's Italian Ice right now and call it a day, but that's not going to happen... Because I had Rita' the day before yesterday...and it's too late to go now. I guess I'll just have to settle for ice cream... or chocolate... or berry punch... or all three of those things.

I'm going to go before I bore you (if I haven't accomplished that feat already) into oblivion.

Ta-ta for now!

~Banana Win

P.S. This is some pretty picture from some place called Lake Louise in some place called Alberta, in Canada! Doesn't that look pretty... and not burning hot?!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

What Makes You Terrible


I am officially sick of hearing the obsessively crazed One Direction fangirls.
So sick in fact, I have decided that I hate the band. Ok, I can't hate people I've never met. I'll just dislike their songs. Not to mention, their songs really aren't that special...to me, at least.

And I'm so annoyed at hearing the band that I'm posting this. See, there's only so many "na-na-na's" that I can take. Honestly, didn't young, poppy boy-bands die out...hm, ten years ago? Why the need to bring them back? I think they should've stayed in their grave.

But unfortunately, they didn't. Recently, I came upon this hilarious parody of One Direction. Words cannot describe how hilarious it is...But the sad part is; certain parts of it can be qualified as true.

Now, everyone knows you can't critique someone/ something without seeing all they have to offer. But I have officially scarred my eyes when I came upon their video for "What Makes You Beautiful." So this is for you, One Direction.

What Makes You [One Direction] Terrible:

1. It is as if the devil came and put five Justin Bieber's into one band. Must voices go that high?

2. The lyrics to their songs are definitely appealing to one demographic only: squealing teen-girls. Make some real music.

3. The tune to their one smash hit, "What Makes You Beautiful" is nothing special. It has repetition, easily sung notes, and comes nothing close to singers who have talented voices and soulful songs. I'll admit, it has the craved catchiness, and the tune isn't bad.

4. Because of the extremely narrowed down demographic, schools across the world are forced to listen to crazy fan-girls rant about strangers whom they've never met. Obsessions have become popular, it seems.

5. The first time I heard it, I was insulted. Not all teenagers are insecure, wear make-up, and smile at the ground. I'm sure it wasn't meant to come across like this, but that was my first impression. First impressions count.

Must I even continue? I am honestly sick of the squealing, and ranting, and raving, and obsessing. It's time all girls grow up and listen to themselves.

My first reaction to One Direction was simple. After hearing some of my friends mention that "There are five of them, right?" I jumped in saying, "No, there are four. North, South, East, and West."

I got blank looks in return.

Nevertheless, I soon learned to loathe the band as murmurs of "pretty hair," "cute eyes," and many more comments filled the halls.

While One Direction sings to girls all over the world about what makes those girls beautiful; I'll be humming to my own tune: What Makes You, One Direction--fine, fine, their songs, Terrible.

~Banana Win

P.S. Enjoy!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Ego: Give it a Poke, Kick it a Smudge, and Shove it Down Their Throat

Why would you need to insult egos?
Well to bring a conceited person down a notch of course!

Today, I will be talking about something not so serious: how to properly displace someone from off their throne. Translation: how to kick someone of their high chair.
There are many ways to go about doing this...some ways more painful than others. But I will just list a few.

1. Insult their intelligence. It gets people every time. Throw in a witty and well-placed comment and you will get many affronted looks. Even the old, "Wow, you didn't know that?!" can at least startle a person. Or, you can get down the nitty-gritty. "I won't bother talking to you, because I know that lower life forms--a.k.a., you--will not understand me." Either way, it is quite surprising how we, as humans, take our own intelligence in pride.

2. Insult their looks. This one works great with the superficial goons out there. Great points to touch on is hair, muscles, and the face in general. "Did your hair get attacked by a wild animal or is that a new style?" That will give their ego a beating, boy or girl.

3. Insult their physical strength. Whether it be calling them a weakling, "Eh, I know you're too weak to handle this," or degrading their ability in sports, this is one of the sure fire ways to bring an ego down. Guys, mainly, do not like to be told that they look weak, or play sports terribly.

Of course, some egos are too big to be caught by these tricks and tips. The key with those people, you ask? Any time you talk with them, ignore them. I'm sure they will loathe that--I mean, one less person to brag to! Or, kill them with kindness, and leave their stunned faces with a smirk of "so ha!"

Either way there's not too much to it.
The way to downgrade an ego? Give it a poke, kick it a smudge, and shove it down their throat.

Ah, simplicity.

~Banana Win